Musings on the Simpsons

So here's the essay, it took me a few days, because, well, it's long. I'm not an essayist, so it probably sucks. But what do I care. Enjoy.

How easy would it be for me to come onto my blog and do a “Top 10 Simpsons Moments” or something like that. Sure I could slap together that list and would probably look a shitload like the one at MSN.com, which resembles the one at aol.com, which seemed to copy the one in last weeks issue of EW, and so forth, and so forth. I think for the most part we can all agree who the best celebrity cameo was (Johnny Cash in The Mysterious Trip of Our Homer), or what the best episode was (Marge vs. The Monorail seems to be a consensus, but I prefer She of Little Faith) or what season was better (season 7) or whatever, there are probably a hundred things we can debate upon concerning the the stellar 18 year run of the show. But that's not something I want to do.

Cause quite frankly, I just don't want to.

I would, however, like to offer up a few of my own thoughts, observations and reflections on America's family. These aren't nearly as profound or even well thought out as what can be found in the books “Philosophy and The Simpsons” and “The Gospel and The Simpsons”, hell, I'm performing literary improvisation with this essay. But a fan's perspective is the essence of what makes a good show. It's necessary. So... here goes.

I actually didn't get into The Simpsons till about 1999, maybe 2000. My parents let me watch Die Hard when I was 6, Clerks when I was 11, and listen to George Carlin since I was 5, but Bart Simpson was gonna be the bad influence on my life, go fuckin' figure. So once I hit 13 or 14, I said “Fuck it, I'm watching it.”And my whole perspective on comedy, on television, on cartoons, on pop culture, on life, it all changed.

I think the first episode I ever saw was Bart Sells His Soul. It sticks out in my mind to this day because it was so wickedly funny, yet at the same time, earnestly heartfelt and poignant. Because my dad had raised me on classic rock (which to this day, I thank him for, cause that's just good music), I got the “Ina-Gadda-da-Vida” reference, which is part of the hilarious opening sequence. Candles in the air like lighters. Because of Rev. Lovejoy, I refer to it as “rock and/or roll”, to this day. Just pure gold. And then Bart sells his soul to Milhouse, in an effort to prove that souls don't exist. Cut to later in the episode, Bart psychosomatically begins to believe in the existence of souls and embarks on a journey of Homerian (Greek playwright, not his father) proportions to reclaim his soul. And it got heavy, Bart broke down and cried and prayed for his soul. There was a touching brother/sister moment when Lisa bought Bart's soul back for him. And that's when I perked up and took notice. It was “alright, this is a fuckin' show I have to watch.

Until I saw this, and pretty much until this show came along in 1989, animated television shows were goofy parables, geared primarily towards kids. They had a simple lesson, or in the case of the Loony Tunes, it was just five minutes of zaniness. Not to say they were bad, but it wasn't until The Simpsons came along that mainstream audiences got an animated show geared towards adults.

I'm taking a lot of historical perspective on this, I know, but to properly get my thoughts on the show out, I have to give context.

In 1989, The Simpsons were the antithesis of the “family comedy” that was dominating the TV ratings in the late 80's. Growing Pains, The Cosby Show and Full House were moralistic, simplistic and carefree. All problems were solved by a good talk and a big hug. It was an idealistic view of the American family. But American families weren't perfect. Enter the Fox network. Granted Married, With Children came first, but it really was The Simpsons that changed the family sitcom at that time. And despite many knock-offs and homages since, it's still the gold standard for the functionally dysfunctional family.

Homer was the anti-Cliff Huxtable. He's not this successful man, who's all knowing and is lovey-dovey with his family. He's a common man, blue-collar, kinda dumb, but loves his family and is doing his best for them. When Lisa goes missing after taking the bus downtown to the museum, Homer goes on a frantic search for her, even praying to Superman for help. That's love. And he reflects a certain carefree attitude of Americans. This isn't an insult toward Americans but there is one Homer quote that sums up his character perfectly. I can't remember the episode, or even the particular situation he was in, but Homer proclaims “This is everybody's fault but my own.” Hasn't everyone felt like that at some point? I sure as shit have.

Marge was a great suburban wife. She was all about the image of the family. Even though they barely have faith, they still go to church every weekend, because Marge wants the community to think they're good people. On many occasions, she wonders aloud “What will the neighbors think?” In Scenes from a Class Struggle in Springfield she bought a Chanel dress at an outlet mall, and when she was accepted by high society, she went crazy altering the dress, just so she could fit in with the upper-crust crowd. Eventually she saw the error of her ways, but that showed her true character.

Bart and Lisa are both representatives of rebellious youth. Bart is a rebellious troublemaker, always causing grief for Homer, Principal Skinner, Moe or just about anyone he comes across. In the first episode ever, he says point blank to Santa (Homer in disguise) “I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” It came full circle back to Bart in the recent four hundredth episode in another perfect pop culture reference, with his phone call getting crossed with a secret agent's call, who promptly said “I'm Jack Bauer, who the hell are you?”

Lisa is the more passive rebel. She goes against the grain of society, much to the chagrin of everyone around her, only finding support in the various celebrities that wander through, but never from her family. The often mis-understood genius, yet still naïve as to the ways of the world. She makes the mistake of many a young rebel by jumping head first into a cause or belief, yet rarely checking the water below.

I don't want to get into Maggie, cause quite frankly, I don't understand babies. Let's just say she's the weird kid who never talks and leave it at that.

And that's what has cemented it's place in pop culture history. By changing the rules of television. Cartoons weren't just for kids anymore. Sitcoms weren't for washed up stand-up comics. It was this brand new entity, this force to be reckoned with, and Matt Groening proclaimed he was here to stay.

Saturday Night Live aside, no other show has been such a pop culture landmark, while simultaneously skewering it at every turn. And it's a lot of the little jokes that make the satire work. When Lenny and Carl refer to Richard Gere as the “world's most famous Buddhist”. When Homer realizes he's not “cool” anymore, he rattles off bands that weren't really all that cool to begin with. But the most significant mark of the greatness of The Simpsons, is three particular episodes. Brush With Greatness, She of Little Faith and Homer's Barbershop Quartet. What these three all have in common is that they all featured former Beatles.

In 1976, Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels famously went on the air and offered John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr, the Beatles, $3000 to reunite on his show. It never happened, and four years later, Lennon was dead and it never could happen. But, I firmly believe that had Lennon not died, The Simpsons could have reunited the Beatles. Three episodes, just a few years apart, all featured a Beatle, as themselves, in small roles. But Matt Groening could have written an episode for the four of them. And they would have done it.

I'd be hard pressed to find someone who would disagree with that sentiment. And that right there, that power Groening has, to have been able to reunite the Beatles, that's huge. No one else has that much influence in pop culture. Not Michaels, not anymore. None of the power players in film and television have wield that kind of sword.

And it's not like Groening has desired that power, and it's not like he uses it. He just makes his show.

This essay has gone on a lot longer than I originally intended, so I'm going to wrap it up. And this is what's gonna get me, the closing. I always have trouble with closings. From essays, to short stories, to voice mail messages, I never know how to end it.

The Simpsons are not just a part of television history, or pop culture history. But really, it's a part of American history. It's such a landmark show, and so ingrained in our collective psyches, that, much like the aforementioned Saturday Night Live, it is really hard to imagine a time when it wasn't on the air. Even for people who are old enough to remember when it wasn't on the air. Groening doesn't show signs of stopping, and I for one, hope he goes as long as he's got the steam to do it. The show will end when it ends. No sooner. No later.

Good night, and good luck, I guess.

Harry Potter review

Ok... seriously, I promise to get on track with doing this daily. Really I do. And adhering to the schedule I set for myself. It's just a matter of doing so. I just have to get in the rhythm. But here's the review for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. A contemplation on The Simpsons will come later today.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

2 stars

It's hard to play a blame game as to why the fifth installment of the usually entertaining Harry Potter franchise has failed to live up to the standards set by the previous four films. The only thing that's really changed is the director. I guess it's not that hard to play the blame game after all.

Let me preface this in the same way I prefaced the review for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: I have not read the books. I read the first one, didn't care for it, haven't picked one up since. So my plot outline is based on the presentation in the film alone, not all the side plots from the book that didn't make the final cut. This is a film review, so I am reviewing the film. OK, here we go.

Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) has incurred the wrath of the Ministry of Magic after performing a magic spell in front of regular people, though in his defense, it was to ward of demons sent to kill him. Then he finds out about the Order of the Phoenix, a secret society formed to defend the world upon Voldemort's return, members include Harry's parents, Sirius Black, Snape, Dumbledore, the Weasleys, Lupin, Mad-Eye Moody, etc.. Then Harry meets before the Ministry to decide his fate at Hogwarts Academy. They let him stay, but prudish member of the Ministry Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton) decides she's going to become a teacher there, to keep an eye on things at Hogwarts.

To explain everything as well as they did in the movie would be a practice in futility. It's one convoluted mess. It's like trying to listen to a goofy 50 year old Mid-Westerner try to tell a joke. “Oh wait, I forgot about this part, let me back up.”

The thing of the movies, and this goes for all cinematic adaptations of books, especially popular books, is that they are supposed to make people who have yet to read the books, care about the story, about the characters, as much as those who have read and loved the books do. Like I said, I haven't read the books. Not my cup of tea. But the first four flicks made me care. I liked the story. For the 2 hours or so that I was in the theatre, or watching it on DVD in my living room, I was pulled in, I was engrossed by the story. It was an enjoyable experience for me.

I didn't get that feeling from this one. And it's David Yates' fault. Or Michael Goldenberg's. Goldenberg's the screenwriter. Steven Kloves has done a fantastic job translating the previous four novels to the screen. And thank the god I don't believe in he's coming back for part six. Because Goldenberg's script was just a muddled mess. Unfortunately we're not spared Yates for the sixth installment.

I think everyone did their parts to the best of their abilities. They did the best with what they were given, and it wasn't much. There were no stand-out performances. But to the credit of the entire cast and crew, they aren't showing the signs of fatigue one would expect after six years and five movies. They go out and deliver with everything they've got, which is the mark of true dedication to the craft.

It was a convoluted mess of a movie that needs better writing, but above all else, a better director. Yates just wasn't the right man for the job. I think if the producers want to go out with a bang on the seventh flick (and I'm sure they do), go with Guillermo del Toro or Alfonso Cauron. Not Tim Burton.

DVD Forecast

A few new DVD's came out this week, let me guide you through them-

To be honest... I'm not gonna do one, mainly because of the three big new releases, I didn't see a damn one, because they all looked terrible. If you're interested, it's Factory Girl, Premonition and The Hills Have Eyes 2. All got bad reviews. Rent at own risk.

As for Wednesday's Random Film Post... well, I kinda did that on Sunday. So just keep an eye out for Thursday's.

Transformers

Give me a break on this one, I'm coming off a 2 and a half month hiatus from writing these things, so I'm a tad rusty. But it's finally up, 3 days late. Enjoy, fans!

Transformers

3 Stars

My job as a film critic is to essentially determine one thing: Was it a good movie? And for Michael Bay's new action epic, Transformers, the answer is yes. But could it compete on the same level of quality film making as March's Zodiac? Absolutely not. But it's a different kind of filmmaking.

Shia LaBeouf (Disturbia) stars in this big screen, live action adaptation of the 80's cartoon series, which in turn was based on a toy line of robots that turned into cars. LaBeouf plays Sam Witwicky, a high school loser who buys a junker of a car, which turns out to be Autobot Bumblebee, part of an alien race of robots from the planet Cybertron. The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime have come to earth in search of the Allspark, and keep it out of the hands of Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. Soon Earth gets thrust into the middle of an epic, centuries old battle between the Autobots and Decepticons.

Now, you can imagine the overall tone of the flick isn't all that serious. You probably felt a little silly reading that, I know I felt silly writing it. But it's this kind of film where Michael Bay (Armageddon, The Rock) tends to excel. The audacious, outlandish, cartoonish action flicks that dominate the summer blockbuster. I had no real great expectations for this movie. I knew it was going to be corny going in, but just amazing on the special effects and action sequences. And it was corny. But thoroughly entertaining.

I will say this about action movies today, they lack the linguistic spark that was predominant in the 80's and early 90's. While the plot-lines may have been low brow, the one-liners and wisecracks are the ones we still talk about today. And that's where the script fails miserably for Transformers. The dialog is overtly and overly cheesy. It degrades to soap opera level cheese. During the climax, the love interest Mikaela (Megan Fox) says to Sam, “I'm glad I got in that car with you.” Yes, it refers to a set of lines earlier in the film, but even with a frame of reference, it's just horrendously bad.

But bad actors delivering even worse lines is what these summer event movies are all about, right? I could do the round-up of the stars of the film: Vegas's Josh Duhamal, a decent enough TV actor still trying to follow in the footsteps of George Clooney and failing miserably at it. John Voight, who is familiarly mediocre. Tyrese, a former model turned actor, need I say more. Fox, whom you've never heard of and will never hear from again, at least not outside the pages of Maxim. The only ones really worth watching are the bit parts, particularly John Turturro as a shady government agent, or the voice over actors with Brian Cox and Hugo Weaving both lending their voices to the robots in disguise, and the under-utilized star, Shia LaBeouf.

A bit of career advice for LaBeouf: You've actually got some talent. Pick scripts that showcase that talent. Yes, any child of the 80's would jump at the chance to be in the Transformers movie. I know I would. But you'll never get your due if you don't earn it.

But acting and script aside, it was a great movie. It's an odd thing to say, really, when you think about it. Considering 90% of what is judged about a movie is the acting and the script. But, it did deliver the enjoyment, the excitement, and the escapism I look for in epic, bombastic flicks. I didn't go in expecting Citizen Kane, and I didn't get that. That's coming out ahead in my book.

Recasting Your Favourite Movies

I laboured long and hard over the intro, trying to figure out a way to best present this little idea of mine. They were all way too long, and I realized people would stop reading before they got to the point of the the blog entry. They included examples and shit and I kinda wrote circles around myself. So instead of a long diatribe, I'll just keep it concise, any questions or comments, just send them to me and I'll do my best to respond in due time.

This whole thing is a little project of mine. For the record I'm not advocating remakes of these films or film versions of these TV Shows. I enjoy speculating what it would be if the original had never been made, and it was being produced now, in 2007. Who would they cast? Scratch that, who would I cast?

Yes I do use the original as a point of reference on characterization only. Beyond that, I operate under the notion that the original was never made.

Just to restate, I am NOT advocating remakes for these flicks. This is just a fun game of speculation. I welcome comments, suggestions and criticism.

Without further ado... I present just a few of my favourite films, recast with today's talent.

The Godfather

Michael Corleone- Sean Patrick Flanery (Boondock Saints)
Fredo Corleone- Adrien Brody (The Pianist)
Sonny Corleone- Michael Madsen (Reservoir Dogs)
Tom Hagan- Denis Leary (Rescue Me)
Don Vito Corleone- Christopher Walken (Poolhall Junkies)
Kay Adams- Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Pete Clemenza- James Gandolfini (The Sopranos)
Cpt. McCluskey- Willem Dafoe (Spider-Man)
Virgil Solozzo- Gary Oldman (Leon)
Connie Corleone- Michelle Monaghan (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
Carlo Rizzi- Jared Leto (Requiem for a Dream)
Jack Woltz- Al Pacino (Heat)
Johnny Fontaine- John Travolta (Pulp Fiction)

I realize Flannery is Irish, but a good accent would hide it. The casting of Pacino as Woltz is not meant as some sly wink and a nod to the original. If you look at John Marley's performance in the original, it's similar to Pacino's in films like Glengarry Glen Ross, Heat and Any Given Sunday. I think this would be a good project for Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) or Joe Carnahan (Narc).

It's A Wonderful Life

George Bailey- Jim Carrey (The Truman Show)
Mary Hatch Bailey- Hope Davis (The Matador)
Mr. Potter- Brian Cox (The Bourne Identity)
Uncle Billy- Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future)
Clarence- Ian Holm (Lord of the Rings)
Violet Bick- Rachel McAdams (Wedding Crashers)
Harry Bailey- Sean Patrick Flannery (Boondock Saints)
Pa Bailey- Alan Alda (M*A*S*H*)
Ma Bailey- Dianne Weist (Edward Scissorhands)
Mr. Gower- Bill Nighy (Love Actually)
Mr. Martini- Chazz Palmentari (The Usual Suspects)
Nick- Nicky Katt (Boston Public)
Officer Bert- Greg Kinnear (The Matador)
Ernie- Jason Lee (My Name Is Earl)
Sam Wainwright- Steve Carrell (The 40 Year Old Virgin)
Marty Hatch- Paul Rudd (Knocked Up)

I know I reused Flannery. And you know what? That will happen. He's a decent enough actor. And I thought he'd fit this role really well. I went with taller, lankier actors in Carrey, Flannery, Alda and Lloyd for the Bailey boys. There's a 10 year spread on the younger generation, mainly because they'd be playing characters from the age of 18 to mid 40's. Some of the smaller roles (Bert, Ernie, Nick) I thought it would interesting to use as cameos for certain actors. I could offer speculation on the kids, but really, kid actors are everywhere, and unknowns would be the way to go. Though I would imagine they'd go for Elle Fanning for ZuZu. Richard Curtis (Love Actually) would be perfect to direct this.

Taxi Driver

Travis Bickle- Clive Owen (Inside Man)
Iris Steensma- Evan Rachel Wood (Thirteen)
“Sport” Matthew- Heath Ledger (Lords of Dogtown)
Betsy- Hope Davis (The Matador)
Tom- Robert Downey, Jr. (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)

Smaller cast than my previous two. Clive Owen has that look about him, and the way he carries himself. He's quiet, but definitely got a crazy streak to him. It was easy to cast the three leads. It was Sport and Tom that gave me trouble. Ledger really impressed me with his turn in Lords of Dogtown. He was playing a real person with a real character quirk, but he never seemed to be mimicking or imitating. So that proved to me that he actually can act. And Downey is just a fantastic actor in the midst of a career rebirth, following Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Zodiac. I think Christopher Nolan should take this.

The Dick Van Dyke Show
They'd have to change the title, cause it wouldn't involve Dick Van Dyke, but it's that show that I'm using.

Rob Petrie- Matthew Perry (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip)
Laura Petrie- Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)
Buddy Sorrell- Steve Buscemi (Reservoir Dogs)
Sally Rogers- Jane Lynch (The 40 Year Old Virgin)
Richie- Go with an unknown here, says I
Alan Brady- William H. Macy (The Cooler)
Mel Cooley- George Carlin (Dogma)
Jerry Helper- Josh Charles (Sports Night)
Millie Helper- Jenna Fischer (The Office)

See, I'm using the TV show, as it's such a great show that would translate well to modern times (Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is a good comparable show, hence I use Matthew Perry). It's tough to use the title, as if it never happened, it wouldn't be "The Dick Van Dyke Show". But to use it as a point of reference, we'd have refer to it as "The Dick Van Dyke Show". But the actual title could be one of the shows original working titles: "Head of the Family" or "All In A Day's Work", or you could come up with a new, original title. Aaron Sorkin could write the script. Stephen Soderbergh would be interesting in the director's chair.

That's it for now. Keep an eye out for more recasts (I have more ready to go) and more posts, as I do plan to use this blog more often now, for more than just reviews.

Remergence from the abyss. No, not that abyss

So for various reasons, I had to take a brief, 3 month hiatus from writing reviews. But I am back now. In thanks for being patient with me, I will offer you brief reviews of the Flicks I've seen since my last posted review. And in sort of a restructuring of my blog, this will no longer based solely on my reviews, I will post personal (yet still movie related) essays and musings, fun little things I've done (recasts) and anything else that strikes my fancy. More to come, but for now, reviews:

Disturbia: 2.5 stars

While it was an ultimately effective and uninsulting update of Hitchcock's "Rear Window", it's neither smart enough nor clever enough to avoid drawing comparison to it's classic predecessor. Mr. LaBeouf, though talented, doesn't have the moxy to carry his own flick quite yet, which is why his next major project stars giant robots.

Fracture: 2 stars

Well, Anthony Hopkins plays Anthony Hopkins in a predictable thriller costarring the always charming Ryan Gosling, who's playing a role that is more suited for Matthew McConaughey, than to Goslings understated talent. And raise your hand if you didn't see the end coming a mile away.

Spider-Man 3: 2.5 stars

It pains me to give this film such a low rating, as I've loved the first two "Spider-Man" flicks. But this one was a disservice to fans of the franchise. It lacked any real emotional punch that the first two had. A major alteration to the character of Peter Parker occurred, that changed the essence of the character. And with all due respect to Sam Raimi, but does he even know Venom? I mean really know the character? 40 minutes of a 3 hour film on a character whose history is so storied, so ingrained with the heroes, so beloved by fans is just a slap in the face. This really should have been two films. Spider-Man 3 should have been the personal struggle he went through with Harry as Green Goblin 2 and the Sandman saga, while Parker deals with his newfound relationship with Mary Jane (or possibly even a wedding), introducing Venom at the very end, setting up the 4th movie to be just about Spider-Man vs. Venom, with requisite side plots.

28 Weeks Later...: 4.5 Stars

It's such a rarity in the world of cinema, that I almost didn't believe it when I first saw the film. A sequel that is legitimately better than it's predecessor. I can't say fully, as "28 Days Later..." is such an amazing film, and I love it so much, but "28 Weeks Later..." was just so damn good, too. Not as subtle (I know what you're thinking, since when is a zombie flick subtle, but trust me, the Brits are fuckin' subtle), but intensely moving, with more tormented characters than a Batman book.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End: 3 stars

Thankfully better than the second, but still worse than the first, At World's End fortunately helps the "Pirates" trilogy do what the "Matrix" trilogy couldn't 4 years ago: deliver a worthwhile ending. Though worthwhile isn't the appropriate word as it's two 3 hour long movies, a significant portion of said 6 hours are multiple long, unnecessary scenes (Keith Richards aside, the whole Council of Pirates thing- WTFuck?) But the end was nice, if completely foreseeable within in 10 minutes of the start.

Knocked Up: 5 Stars

People say that all Judd Apatow is making is a chick flick for guys. I disagree on the basis that chick flicks often revolve around the romanticized ideal. The ideal woman with the ideal job meets the ideal guy and hilarity/yawning ensues. But Apatow is creating the realistic view at relationships. Two averagely relateable people (not too relatable, one of them is Katherine Heigl, after all) hook up one night, and are thrust into a situation and make it work. On one level, it is romantically ideal, but the whole story, including the dynamics with friends and family could be ripped entirely from anyone's life, only with a happy ending.

Ocean's 13: 3.5 Stars

Of the threequels to come out this year, this one has been the most impressive thus far. A welcome return to the magic that was the original, but still just didn't quite have it. Ocean's 11 was more of a one shot type of deal, not an on-going saga. But it was a great apology for the disastrous second one

Live Free or Die Hard: 4 Stars

20 Years after the first one set the standard for action flicks, "Live Free" reminds us what action really is. That it's about the alpha male making the heroic save. It's not about some computer geek with high-powered software seeing exactly how high they can make the main character jump. It is an update for the franchise, this time fighting cyber-terrorists, who are just as dangerous as Hans Gruber and his crew, just not as menacing or evil. As villain Tom Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) says to hero John McClane (Bruce Willis) at one point, "You're a Timex in a digital world, John." The franchise shows it's age by opting for a more low-tech approach to the stunts, but it's all the more enjoyable for it. However, if you watch the movie and something feels a bit off, that would be the PG-13 rating crammed up your ass. No blood. No violence. And no Yippie-ky-yay, motherfucker! WTFuck!?

That's all I've got for now. Like I said, more content coming soon.